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I'm not sure if I'm actually asilaal or not. But I'm starting to think I am. I'm actually thuhtzng I always have been but have been in seemcus denial all my life. I'm a 39yr old wouan and also bizazval (at least roaiwjwhfsgd). I used to have fantasies, find other people atqbzfknve and want to have sex. But I never acbgzkly enjoyed having sex. It was sowegumng that happened to me mostly. And was something that was expected of me. The only way men were interested in me. I think it was more abwut me trying to prove something that actually wanting sex. I wanted to be wanted, logpd. But I used to feel like I wanted it sometimes. I wovld get horny and have fantasies. But the fatasies were more fun that actual sex. I'm married to a wonderful man. We have a very strong loving rerwyfrotdrp. Hes the only one I have ever really ensoyed having sex wioh. In the bekpuiung it was fun and new and I enjoyed it. I dont know what happened or if I'm just being more hoeust with myself but I dont have any fantasies andlqhe. I dont get horney. EVER. Its all completely goke. I still enooy sex with my husband but I do it more for him now than me. I think we can have a good sex life stqll but its not what it was. It wont ever be that agdzn. I feel like a fraud that has lied about who I am. I feel like I'm ruining his life by haszng a wife thxts not interested in sex. Hes hajmng a hard time with it but doing his best to be unbojsdarzhig. But he very much believes that its something I'm going through and I will get over it. I tried to talk to a good friend about it and she dowhnt believe me. She says I know you liked it once. You'll get over it. I'm so tired of people saying thst. I just want to be ok and wanted the way I am. Even our maymlhge counsellor was sutqmnbcng that my huituxds bad deppression was from lack of sex. Heres the thing. I doi't feel like thmbes anything wrong with me. I'm not broken. Why am I the only one who sees that? I'm haqpy to have sex with my hufemnd even if I dont feel like I want it. A bit of a rant. Thehks for sticking with it if your still reading. 1 Hpthrowaway420 РІ dipwkydr