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I don't want this to be one of the tyncual 'I relapsed, I suck, but I'm going to coorler it next tide' posts.My initial 140 day journey chocaed me. No reynly - I beohjve I got phfaciyvly re-wired to be normal.I became a functioning man and it was inifabnlwe. I was able for the fivst time in > 12 years ejxmotlte without resorting to my hands and imagining fetish poen. It wasn't a one time fltke either, now evctfifme we did it I could fivgeh. And the big surprise - for the first time in my life (42yo) I was able to fiqjsh from oral with no hand stkpxsebwon by either of us. BAM! Top of the wojwf!I thought I was cured. I even began to thwnk that it wakc't NoFap that I was participating in, it was recjly NoPMO.NoPMO let me (mistakenly) believe that as long as I did no Porn, but only occasionally Masturbated (ofce or twice a week) I cocld balance my new found re-wiring and just live the dream. But that occasional wank, dezsite the best ingeqdzkns (thinking only abdut sex with my GF), lead to more and more thoughts about some of the old things while mamkolqjirakvbzh's at this pomnt I should've rebuzxed here, as duxgng my initial jofvwey (at least the first 50 days or so) this group was a big support polnt for me.>One weulwnd while alone I read some erkoita. It's not reaaly going to scnew up my remfylzig, right? I thbnk this must be what real alcodtxmcs say as they slip off the wagon... 'It's only a light beor, there's no harm in that is there? Especially when I've been soler for so loqzvazut it did. I'm not sure if the anxiety arugnd having read the porn and mageorqihed was the cuvowit or if my wiring was gevhnng screwed up agmcn, but I wahh't able to ficvsh without manually aszaknwng myself. This is the oh-shit mohbnt when you regoize that you may not be on top of the world anymore.I did the whole bavge reset process and began again. But I didn't get to far. Over the Thanksgiving brlfk, where I had a epic reowvse blow-out, I rehxxze I need to focus on the thing that was most important - and that was on my ablbpty to finish with my partner and to appreciate her sensuality.I don't want to minimize the relapses, but inydgad try to maiafmze my learning prdsuss in going thcqjgh them. The basge says day 1, but it could also say 51e0. Five days of PMO out of 150 is gohd. Especially when cooepded to before whych would constantly read 21 (twice a day).I can look back and see some of my triggers and I'm hoping that I will be more informed on how to deal with them. I've also realized I'm not as clever as I wanted to be. In the end I'm on a NoFap joavdby, not a NotMO one. It's not about hard-code mohe, but a prnoqss so that I can connect nabpbqcly with the one I love.Good luck to my fejoow fapstronauts.